Living in a wheelchair and being a mother. “The scariest response from the doctors was how a woman in a wheelchair could be pregnant…”

English below 

31-year-old Arev Melkonyan has become disabled since childhood, but it never stopped her from gaining success, fighting against obstacles, and breaking stereotypes every day.

“… My pregnancy has been full of adventures. So, when I found out I was pregnant, I decided to go for a check-up and then be registered. I went to the hospital with my friend, and the show started …. First, the first stair of the medical facility building was built in such a way as if it wanted to ask you why are you here, who gave you rights? However, the inaccessibility of the building, and the order of the equipment when you cannot use it because it is not convenient, are the lesser evil. Somehow we got to the sonography office and went to the doctor; without looking at me, the doctor told my friend to lie down. My friend said, “I’m not pregnant; she is,” and she pointed at me. The doctor looked at me, then at my friend, and asked in a very aggressive tone, “Are you kidding me?”

Disability is not an obstacle: “The most terrible was the reaction of the doctors on how a disabled woman could be pregnant…”

31-year-old Arev Melkonyan has become disabled since childhood, but it never stopped her from gaining success, fighting against obstacles, and breaking stereotypes every day.

“I was in the office, we were preparing for a business trip, and it was a hectic day full of work, a thousand issues that needed to be resolved. I remember that I constantly had nausea, and I was feeling worse, but, firstly, I had no idea that I could be pregnant, and secondly, regardless of the stressful work, my mood was very high. Then our colleagues convinced me to take a pregnancy test — I could be pregnant. I did it the same day, and it was confirmed.

Well, since the first ones to know [about pregnancy] were my colleagues, I canceled my business trip because, from that moment, I found myself in a “new and beautiful” status, a widespread expression among us, and should live the life of a pregnant woman, although this status is often not so standard for a person with a disability.

I grew up in a small rural family, and stereotyped thinking dominated our environment. My family was no exception, and they also thought that if you have a problem, then your life is limited by that problem, so only your family members can accept you the way you are. There was no question of falling in love and getting married, let alone having a baby. All my family members had no idea that I could fall in love and even could plan to have a child, but I always thought about having a baby; I just realized that I must be independent, established in all aspects, financially, socially, to be able to afford myself to be responsible for the person I will give birth.

My pregnancy was a shock to my family. They were in Russia and learned about it two months before birth. They accepted without unnecessary conflicts and noise, without questions, they just accepted the news, and that’s it. I am grateful that no artificial obstacles have been created for me.

People who knew me were pleased to receive the news of the birth of my baby; everyone was very inclined to help. And people, who were unaware of the problems of a person with a disability, mostly wondered: how, with a wheelchair and a child? … Yes, there were many sentences with many question marks in that period of my life.

People look at various issues stereotypically because we have a Soviet mentality; everyone thinks that people with disabilities need care and that everyone should take care of a person with a disability, except for the person.

My pregnancy has been full of adventures. So, when I found out I was pregnant, I decided to go for a check-up and then be registered. I went to the hospital with my friend, and the show started …. First, the first stair of the medical facility building was built in such a way as if it wanted to ask you why are you here, who gave you rights?

However, the inaccessibility of the building, and the order of the equipment when you cannot use it because it is not convenient, are the lesser evil. Somehow, we got to the sonography office and went to the doctor; without looking at me, the doctor told my friend to lie down. My friend said, “I’m not pregnant; she is,” and she pointed at me. The doctor looked at me, then at my friend, and asked in a very aggressive tone, “Are you kidding me?”

Then he agreed to do a sonography to ensure we were not cheating him. As soon as the doctor saw that I was pregnant, the doctor’s first reaction was whether he should call the police, whether I was a victim of violence, etc. During that time, I also went to Russia, and the horrified reaction of the doctors there that a woman moving around in a wheelchair is pregnant is probably the funniest thing I’ve seen in my life.

In short, I was not accepted with open arms as a woman with a disability who is about to become a mother. But I was so happy that it didn’t bother me, but such an attitude can break many people.

My son’s name is Davit; before he was born, he was Narek, Ashot, or Hayk, but when he was born, I realized that he was Davit. When he grows up, he won’t ask me questions because he lives with his mother, who has a disability, and he has perceived his mother and his surroundings since birth as nothing strange for him.

But I am ready to answer and explain any question. Discovering the world with David is another pleasure for me. Nothing has changed in my active life; I live with the same rhythm; after becoming a mother, I live with greater energy. The crazy things I did before my son was born, I do now with my son. We haven’t paraglided together yet, but everything is ahead.

We are always together, we do everything together, and when I see people’s admiration, I understand that everything worked out.

Difficulties… I can list millions of difficulties, and at the same time, I can claim that there is no difficulty due to disability.

There is nothing I can’t do regarding David’s care or upbringing; the ways of doing it are just difficult, different, and a little different, but the important thing is to be able to do it and let everyone decide for themselves. Ever since my son was born, I’ve shut myself off from all kinds of stress and pain; in all honesty, I can be hurt from whatever I want it to be hurt; I’ve gotten to that stage.

At this moment, I have no desire to have another child. Now my world is David; I don’t want to split the love he deserves; I don’t exclude anything for the future; maybe I will have another child.”

Author: Kushane Chobanyan

Photos by Vaghinak Ghazaryan